I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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