I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
