Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
