I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
