Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
