using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Farmville is her only friend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
