Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
