Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
