She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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