Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize