wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They took my balls.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
