3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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