dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
