How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
