you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
