OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will pee on everything he values.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
