Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
