I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
