i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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