Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
