NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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