I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
