i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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