wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
