i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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