I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
