when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
