My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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