what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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