Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
