I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
