I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
