Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
