Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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