There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
love makes seman taste better
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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