In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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