it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
