We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
