billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
time to smoke my breakfast
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
