my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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