I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
