we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
