I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
