I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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