why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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