u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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