Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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