She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
