apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
where are my pants?
in the oven.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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