I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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