I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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