I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
